This is not a jogging stroller.

C'est n'ici une poussette de jogging.
C’est n’ici une poussette de jogging.

It might look an awful lot like a jogging stroller, it might be sold as a jogging (or “light running”) stroller, some people might even jog with it. But it isn’t, it’s an all-terrain stroller. This is because before I had a baby I swore I would never own a jogging stroller, and now I own this, so therefore it is not a jogging stroller. To my child-free self, jogging strollers were an abomination; unnecessary monstrosities. I saw 4,5, and 6-year -olds with two functional legs riding in them, they were parked in the aisles of my favorite restaurants impeding normal human traffic (blocking the french toast buffet!), and 90% of the time the person pushing them was NOT jogging. If I ran for office, I would run on the platform that if you are pushing a jogging stroller you must never be moving slower than 5 mph. Plus, I don’t jog and I will never jog (if I could get a bumper sticker for my car that said 0.0, I would). So it would be ridiculous for me to have a jogging stroller. It would be like walking around all day in a bike helmet and cleats but never riding a bike.

But then I had a baby. And I took that baby with my dog on walks, walks across bumpy sidewalks, gravel, and through the park. And my adorable, practical, but tiny-wheeled stroller just didn’t handle it all that well. Frankly, I was afraid I’d either tip Miri out of the stroller or give her whiplash. So I realized I wanted an all-terrain stroller. Which, unfortunately, look remarkably similar to jogging strollers. I did buy the smallest, lightest all-terrain stroller I could find. And I’m going to admit that I freaking love this stroller.

This stroller is a metaphor for that whole list of things that I swore I would never do when I had kids. I’m fully aware I will eat that list and then some, and I’m okay with that. I hope some of the more general statements on my list might hold true, like:

  • I will not take my antsy toddler to a boring crepe restaurant for breakfast (The Ridgeback customers, I’m looking at you).
  • If my child steals bacon from a friend’s plate I will make her apologize and I will buy friend more bacon.
  • I will vaccinate my child as often and against as many things as is legal (Vashon Island, I’m looking at you).
  • I will take not take my seven-year-old daughter to a black-and-white Swedish subtitled movie instead of an animated Disney musical because she’s only SEVEN. Sorry Mom.
  • I will never go to the zoo, i.e. Depressing Animal Prison. Yep, already did this. But I vow to NEVER take her to Sea World, i.e. Horrifying Depressing Fish Prison.

Discovering who I am turning out to be as a parent is almost as interesting as discovering what kind of little person my daughter is becoming.

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